Many people ask who is Chris, but they would be missing the point. I am not a man, and I am not an idea.

I'm a 21st Century Anti-Anti Hero, I've been retrofitted, rebooted, & refurbished. I've undergone several surgeries to make me clobber-proof, though I'm not quite done yet.

I’ve built super-computers out of Neptunian silica, I’ve played craps with almost every marine creature you can image, and my frontal lobe has a runtime that’s near constant.

I sleep in increments of 12 minutes, and I pay enormous sums of money to acquire exotic teas.

Please do not ask me to recite the constitution, unless its the parts that make sense. Batteries are immune against my natural magnetism, and I can read most minds.

I used to own the color 'Burnt Umber', though I eventually gave this away for charity.